converstation inside my head

One time eon had asked me to write down watever comes into my head I was so scared of doing that first of all technicay you can not write down all that comes into your head. the time needed to think up things is way too less compared to that required to type it down. And in my scared mind i was afraid of what i could write and always wanted to write down something cool. It has to be a cool sentence of infinite meaning or a joke. A joke like freud said is a wall that protects our opinion. I tend to understand that i cannot talk my heart. But those are times of my miseries when the wise one inside that is a demon too tels me about the fucked up man i am, how my shit stinks. Now here is something I wrote down ony out of my mind by free association i guess, but like the uncertainity theory we cannot understand want mind says like we cant see the right colour of the mirror. I have been reading books lately of quite a wide range or probably not for I have been link browsing, Reading the books i find mentioned in the music i hear and movies i watch like Apocalypse now led to golden bough ( i did not finish reading), venus in furs from venus in furs velvet underground, shantaram from rang de basanti, Catcher in the rye from donnie darko, watchmen from watchmen and from there to promethea, Jung from freud floating and moving slowly towards the next colourful thing. And i feel the cear inadequacy of good libraries around. Now there is something I so wanted to tell the whoe world, about my achievement over the year a those books. And what do I want to read next?? Something about religion, something about maths and something about poem of which there is none that will touch me, I learned maths I so loved it once. I wanted to read quran, gita is too deep and plus i want to know how that religion works. And what I want is peace with my demons and more love from my angels. Clearer dreams, more audible inner voice. Work is not going to be fun, never is it going to be fun I guess i wi not ready for it for a while I will have to endure all the acquisitions half of which comes out of my inabiity to remember things without a reason other than the real reason 'do it or i will someday get fired coz of this'. And what I want to do are learn swimming make a garden learn to pay music, dj in a club and ove a girl. I am going to post this post the 'l' in the keyboard is quite weak and i hope that my friends dont see this